taxis
Taxis are driven by professionals and they've no interest in killing you - if nothing else you'd make a mess of their business
for a few days as they scraped you off their fenders and generally dealt with the legal consequences of squashing you. They also
tend to know where they're going, their vehicles are generally well maintained, and they don't use hand-held mobile 'phones whilst driving.
The down sides are that these guys are actually trying to run a business in the middle of all the traffic, so they have
some specific habits which you need to watch for:
- If you see a snazzily dressed pedestrian waving their arm about on the pavement just in front of you to the
left, you're probably about to be cut up by a cab hacking in to their punter from behind you, or from across
the street. Solution: you need to know if there's a cab behind you or across the street, and it helps if you can
tell if it's for hire or not (check the light).
- Taxis doing pick-ups or drop-offs are dangerous. If you see a cab parked at the kerb, check what it's actually
doing. If the driver's reading the Sun then you're probably ok,but if the punters are getting in or out, you may have
trouble. Punters may open the offside door in your face given half a chance. Drivers often perform u-turns once they've
made a pick-up or a drop-off, so you need to watch for that. Check out the front off-side tyre of a taxi as you come up
to it - if it's pointing towards the centre of the road then the driver may be about to do a u-turn in your path.
- Cab drivers loiter in ranks. You need to give them a wide berth as they may drive away from there at any point and
in any direction. Depending on what type of rank it is you may only be at risk from the front cab in the row.
buses and bendy buses
Again the pilots of these are professionals, so it's rare to see straight homicidal behavior from them. Often they're considerate and helpful to cyclists; they seem less
aggressive than taxi drivers generally and I kind of regard a big red bus as a safe thing to be around. You know what it's going to do, and it always signals (no really, they
are very good).
Hazards are essentially about getting on the wrong side of these. It takes a fair while to pass, or to be passed, by a bus, so you don't want to find yourself half-way down
an 18 meter long bendy-bus in a tight lane when the bus is about to make a pick-up. At best you're going to have to stop, possibly finding refuge on the pavement. It's just not
where you want to be. I tend to view buses as binary: I either want to be in front of them or behind them, but not anywhere in between. And certainly not under them of course.
Buses tend to bunch up, so you may find two or three in a row. Sometimes they play overtaking games, but mostly they all have to stop all the time, so you need to be ready for
them all wanting to shoot off into the left kerb fairly frequently.
If you find a bus in front of you or behind you behaving strangely, it may well be because the driver has seen you and she doesn't want to catch you inside, or to pull past you
only to pull left at the bus stop 100m ahead of you. Really, they do seem to care. So learn where the bus stops are and try to keep out of their way.
pedestrians
Mostly pedestrians aren't a problem, but you have to keep an eye open for them.
Any weird behavior like lurking near the kerb generally spells danger. It's not always
obvious what the best way to alert them to your presence is: some of them are using mobile 'phones
so although their bodies may step into your path their minds are elsewhere.
Herd behavior can be an issue. Whilst one person may not feel like stepping into your path, a
hundred may think that you've got more of a problem than they do, which is a fair point. I try to look
as determined as I can, and cycle straight at the leaders to try to psyche them out. Shouting really
loud can help too - it's surprising how much noise you can make if you really try. Well it seems
to surprise them.
Drunks are a particular problem, and not only because you don't really want their vomit on your
tyres. Tailgating cars/ taxis might be the best approach here, although watch out for people vomiting
out of the windows of any vehicle you're near. That's bad, but generally less dangerous than when they
treat you to flying lighted cigarettes, which can blind you effectively if you're not wearing eye protection.
If you have to share a "cycle track" with pedestrians things can be more difficult. It's hard for pedestrians
to figure out quite what's bike path and what's pavement, and even if they figure out which side of the painted
line to walk on, they can easily forget as there's generally nothing like a kerb to delineate the spaces. I
click my brake levers a lot when in this situation, and generally try to ride slower and to anticipate random
sideways dashes from the pedestrians.
Pedestrians on Zebra crossings can generally be managed. If they've stepped on the thing then you have
to stop, but if you look like you're going to stop, they'll usually cross, and you can nip along
behind them without actually stopping. Give them a wide enough berth and everyone wins. The problem is
when they clearly want to cross but haven't actually started... you have to decide if you're going to keep
going or stop, and so do they. If you eyeball the pedestrian and then wave or nod in an exaggerated manner
you can generally get them to cross, then pass cleanly behind them.
cars
Mostly dangerous.
Often you can tell in advance if your car driver is a killer or not. Tell-tale signs for the bad guys
are aggressive engine noises, loud sound systems, large exhausts, generally jerky movements. Check them
out and they're usually managing a mobile 'phone in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Any vehicle where you can hear the music
from the outside is definitely a teenage disaster area waiting to happen. I haven't noticed any particular
pattern in brands or type of cars inhabited by dick-heads. I suppose teenage problem drivers always have
silly looking hatchbacks, where as old problem guys tend to have porsches or similar.
The best bet with these guys is to have them out of sight in front of you. Whilst they're behind you,
you're a potential target and you're going to spend a lot of time tracking their progress. When they're
immediately in front you need to watch out for cigarette ends plus their random direction changes, and
of course any secondary trouble caused by their lack of driving ability.
Until they invent combined speed cameras and guided missile launchers, these guys are best avoided.
I did once enjoy watching a BMW driving tosser getting the door panels of his pride and joy heartily
kicked in by a handful of independent cyclists as we all progressed down through Trafalgar Square. I'm
not sure what he'd done, but I dare say he won't do it again. Look out bad car drivers: you can take us piecemeal,
but a pack of angry cyclists might just nail you at the next set of lights.
4x4s
They're probably really, really good at being driven "off-road", although
to be honest we don't have much countryside here which would be improved by having huge machines driven
all over it. On-road, in London, they're a nightmare. You can't see over, around or past these machines - they're
too high. Their owners drive and park them anywhere. You need tank-traps like those outside the US embassy if you don't
want your bike lane/ footpath/ kerb infested with these expensive stupidities.
people movers
Again these are too tall to see around, but they seem to be driven by the same class of people who use 4x4s. Perhaps
it's having seven (or is it nine?) screaming kids trying to murder each other in the back that does it, but they're
often very poorly driven and they stop and start in places you'd not expect.
white vans
I think these are amongst the worst of London traffic. They seem generally to be driven by people who have
other things on their mind than their driving. Perhaps it's the illegal migrant workers they're ferrying about
town, or perhaps it's the ciggy in their left hand and the 'phone in their right. Whatever, the careering
white van is a common and unpleasant sight. Treat with caution.
motorbikes
Mostly these guys are quite friendly. Like everything else there's a mix, but
for whatever reason I've never been cut up, abused, or had anything thrown at me by a biker. They haven't
even shouted at me, although perhaps that's something to do with their helmet design.
I just keep track of where they are, and watch for what they might be doing. They particularly like
swinging wide along the outside of traffic queues, which you need to know about if you're doing the same thing
going in either direction.
Motorbikes like to stop at the extreme right hand side of any particular traffic light lanes, even if
they're going straight forward. So if you're trying to turn right, any motorbikes on your right (who may be behind you)
could be well aiming to pass you on the right. They don't always indicate if they're going right with you. So eyeball
them, wave your right arm about a bit and generally make sure they know you're going right. That generally either makes them signal right, or they will
cut left behind you.
Generally any traffic queue is likely to have bikes (and cycles) coming up any gap (between kerb and traffic,
between the traffic lines, or between the outside of the traffic and the oncoming traffic). And of course you'll
get cycles, bikes and pedestrians crossing the same lines at right angles. Summary: if you have to weave through
lines of near stationary traffic, (a) look out for incoming; (b) make sure you can stop before whatever it is
hits your path.
cyclists
It'd be nice to say that cyclists aren't hostile, but mostly they are. Ok, there are some very nice people out
there who cycle sensibly, chat about the weather, don't wobble into you, and generally make things better for everyone.
Then there are the rest.
The simplest thing with cyclits is to treat them with a great deal of care. Most of them don't have a clue what's
behind them, so if it's you then they don't know you're there. They can turn left or right at random, or stop without
any indicaton. Overtake one, and if it wobbles it'll knock you into the path of whatever's on your right. I give them
the widest berth I can, and click my brake levers in the vain hope that they may hear me coming.
Crap cyclists are particularly dangerous at traffic lights. If they're blocking your way, then they'll burn your
advantage when the light turns green, and you risk getting involved with traffic turning left. If you try to overtake them,
you're at risk from their inevitable wobble. If you're alongside them, their wobble will probably get you: it's surprisingly
hard to stay upright when some fat-arsed wobbily bastard sticks a peddle into your back wheel.
Cyclists on pavements are a nightmare: they transfer from path to road at random, and travel in random directions. The
planners have confused them sufficiently that they can't remember what the rules of the road are.
If you're slowing down to stop at a red light, it's worth making this absolutely obvious to any cyclists behind you -
I usually obviously sit up and possibly even unclip so there's no excuse for them to ram into the back of me (don't
rely on them assuming you're going to stop at the red light...). If you're hacking through lines of traffic then watch out
for other cyclists doing the same: they probably won't expect you to be there.
You can't tell competent from incompetent cyclists from their clothing or bikes, although you often can assess the
risk by watching how they ride. The worst ones seem to be the slowest.
bike paths
Bike lanes sound like a good idea, and sometimes they're well executed. Other times they're death traps: scrappy bits
of pavement covered with broken bottles, 4x4s, pedestrians and lightless cyclists heading straight for you. You need to
pick and choose which you use.
bus / taxi bike lanes
Generally these are a good thing, as usually they're free from the dross occupying the rest of the carriageway.
Unfortunately it's actually legal to park in them sometimes, so if you're around at the wrong time of day they turn into
a 4x4 car park, so you're better elsewhere. On the plus side, it's generally obvious when it's "4x4 time" and when the lanes
are full of 18m long bendy buses, so at least you know where you need to be.
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